Poem

Today I feel like a failure,
Today I feel like I have failed.
Failed my loved ones
Failed Myself
Failed my God
Failed everyone else.
My deep sadness has overcome me
I need help, but I can’t do it
Where does one get help?
Where does one start?

I scared my family last night
I called them and could hardly breath
So worked up, so upset, so hurt
But the love in their voice calmed me down
I lay on my floor
curled up in a little ball
If only my back was not fused,
I could curl up a little more
I try for a little more, to be tighter and tighter
Only feeling pain where I don't bend farther
Rocking myself like I am in a rocking chair
trying to clear my mind
Of all the things that are in it.

Abuse,
Medical debt,
Injury,
Hurting heart,
longing to be held
no one comes to my aid
How I wish I could’ve transported
My brother and/or my sister
to give me their amazing hugs of comfort

but alas that could not happen
My stomach is on fire,
My heart beating irregular
I cried myself to sleep
to a dreamless sleep

Today I will try harder,
Try to be a little better
not let these things that hurt me so much
effect me so badly
I just want someone to be there to hold me
To tell me everything will be alright
I want to be numb, but I don’t want to be numb

Today is another day
with the hopes of it being a better day

My Life since the accident...

This is not even close to all the photos or highlights of my life, since breaking my back. I am so glad I made this video, this was for the Aleve Good Moves Contest. Keep your fingers crossed I win the 25,000 dollars to help pay off my medical bills! It shows me Mountainboarding, snowboarding, kiteboarding, kayaking, snowmobiling, enjoying life. All these things I am doing I take aleve to function with. I hate being dependent on something, but I am so greatful it helps me live life! I will watch this movie everytime I start to feel down and like everything is going wrong.