social black sheep?

I find myself not fitting in with people like I used to before my injury. I don’t find fun in sitting around gossiping or talking about things that don’t help life progress. Luckily I have a job that is full of people who love to gossip about work things. I find myself secluding myself away more and more everyday. While I do like my job, I can’t say I like all the people I work with. A lot of the people at my work do not like me. Some days I find myself in such deep thought about my life and things that people come over to want to talk and I don’t and they then decide they don’t like me anymore. Passion is what has kept me going these few years. Passion is the reason I can do what I do and recovered as fast I did. It is hard because I know from my back problems it has changed me as a person socially. Never in my life have I really had people not like me…but such is life now. I am sure I do it to myself and I wish I knew how to stop. But at the same time do I want to be part of that all? Part of the drama, the back stabbing, the nit picking, the complaining? Probably not, but it sure sucks to feel like you don’t fit in. Sometimes I really want to curl up under my desk and disappear from it all. Disappear from everyone and their clicks; laughing, going to lunch and having “fun”. Some days it is hard. It feels like I am back in high school…but a high school like on TV….with the “popular” people and so on. You can’t trust people, some you can…it is hard. One day I will figure it all out. Figure out how to handle my thoughts and emotions. To handle the pain and not let it affect me so much on the outside.

I wonder if other people with cronic pain deal with as well. You hurt so you become reserved. Prefer the peacefulness of solitude, but yet it is not as peaceful as you would think.