Somedays

I started this blog as a way to get out my feelings, but not leave them private and hidden like normal.

Have them out in the world so some who feels like me sometimes can know they are not alone.
Maybe see there is someone else, see that they are not the only one who feels this way.
As I have good days I will post about them, when I find things that work to keep my happy I will post them. When I have rough days I will write about them. It is so hard to share with people. People do not understand. They just try to fix me, fix everything. It cannot be fixed. I just need to get it all out of my head, get it out in the open and hope that somehow it can help someone else. Hope that I can be part of something more and better. Something more than just myself and my problems.

This is something I struggle with daily, weekly, monthly. Something I deal with every morning when I start to get out of bed and the pain shoots through my body. That first movement that puts pressure on my back. How I handle that moment is how my day will turn out. Positive or negative. To be conquered or to be the conqueror.

I have found myself becoming more and more reserved as time goes on with this injury. Should I seek help? If so what kind of help do I need? Am I depressed or is this post shock syndrome? There is so many things it could be. I search the internet and end up more confused. I randomly give up on the things I love, then I go super gung ho to do them again. Where is the constant? I want some consistency in my life. How, where, when?